Third Places

Third places have often been highlighted in film and television—From Rick’s Cafe in Casablanca to the Central Perk coffee shop on Friends, the pub in Ted Lasso, and Luke’s Diner in Gilmore Girls. Some TV shows and movies like “Midnight Diner”, “Cheers” and “Barbershop”, are centered almost entirely on third places. These places are great for building community and combating loneliness.

In case you don’t already know, Japan does third places exceptionally well. Japanese people primarily socialize in third places instead of at their homes/apartments. There are a few reasons for this, Japanese people tend to live in smaller apartments, they often live far from their office/work, and their friends may live in opposite directions or far away from them. Due to those factors hanging out at someone’s house/apartment is more difficult and less common.

The result is the preponderance of awesome third places to hang out and socialize. Izakayas, cafes, hookah lounges, parks, and ”kaku-uchi” (neighborhood liquor stores that turn into mini-izakaya in the evenings), are all great places to socialize, enjoy life, and meet Japanese people.

One of my favorite ways to explore Japan is to find a few third places that I enjoy, chat with people there, and get tips on other places to go. On one of my last trips, I went to a kaku-uchi and met several Japanese people there who gave me some great recommendations which I followed. This led me down a rabbit hole of new and interesting places to eat, drink, and hang out. I returned to a few of these spots multiple times and was able to chat with people who I’d met on previous nights. It made me feel like I was experiencing the rhythms of the neighborhood.

This is a fantastic strategy when you start at a small neighborhood izakaya.

Chotto

Chotto means “a little” in Japanese and you are most likely to hear it in the phrase “chotto matte” which translates to “wait a moment”. 

What’s more interesting and useful to know is that due to the Japanese cultural aspect of almost never using the word “no”, chotto ends up being used instead as a way to tell someone you can’t or don’t want to do something without hurting their feelings. 

For example, if someone asks you if you want to go to a party tomorrow and that’s not something you want to do (or you can’t do it), instead of saying no and then your reason, all you have to say is “Ashita wa chotto” (tomorrow is a little…) and the meaning is conveyed.

For people who are used to more direct communication, it can feel frustrating if you are asking to do something at a shop or somewhere when you are trying to get something done to have them say “Sorry, that’s a little…” and have that mean “no”.

It’s no biggie once you get that it’s just part of the culture. So, keep an eye out for when someone seems resistant to doing something. This word is your clue that it’s not happening.

For more examples and explanations of the several meanings of chotto, look at this Tofugu article. 

50 Small Pleasures (Part 1)

1. A can of BOSS coffee from a vending machine

2. Onigiri from a conbini (I’m partial to the ones at 7-11)

3. Sitting in the display massage chairs in Yodobashi Camera

4. A smile from another foreigner in recognition of how amazing it is that we are here in Japan

5. A cool oshibori on a hot day (The small towel you get at a restaurant)

6. Ordering a meal from a ticket machine

7. Going to Bear Pond Espresso

8. The pens and notebooks in Muji (These often make the lists of favorite stationery products)

9. A hot apple pie from McDonalds (they’re still fried in Japan, unlike the mediocre baked ones in the USA)

10. Black Sesame soft serve ice cream

11. Kakigori

12. A frosty mug of ice-cold Asahi draft especially on a hot Summer day (even better when paired with yakitori and/or karaage)

13. Japanese potato salad—so perfect

14. The sight of Mt. Fuji from the Shinkansen (from Tokyo to Osaka, seat E, the window seat on the right side has the best view)

15. The unique jingles played at each train station to help people recognize where they are

16. Seeing the smiles on the faces of Japanese people when you say “Gochisosama Deshita” after a meal as you are leaving their establishment

17. Getting Pino for dessert from the conbini every night

18. The way bathroom mirrors in the hotels don’t fog up while you shower so it’s easy to shave and get ready

19. Remembering how to get to your favorite side-street, back-alley restaurants after being away for a while (without using GPS or even knowing the name of the restaurant)

20. How deep the staff bow at Ichiran when they serve your ramen

21. Walking around at any hour and being safe

22. Connecting with new people over a drink and a snack in a small 8-person izakaya

23. Blue Bottle coffee near the Philosopher’s Path in Kyoto

24. Returning to an izakaya where you became a jorensan (regular) after an extended time away and the happiness and recognition of the chef and owner and other regulars

25. Unexpectedly running into a friend you haven’t seen for years at the super busy Shibuya Hachiko Exit

Update: The website has a new page with recommendations on which neighborhoods to stay in while visiting Tokyo. After last week’s newsletter, I received questions about specific hotels, so I will start adding more detailed breakdowns of hotels within about a week. If you’re interested, please check back.